[tell me why i wanna hear you say]What should follow Zola in the Twitter-to-movie pipeline?

date:2021-07-22

  Why it should be a movie: Most viral Twitter threads involve generous embellishment. Morris’, though, was a flat-out lie. “I would love for this story to be a movie, but I need you to know it’s not a movie ‘based on a true story,’” he shared in a since-deleted Medium post that was, ostensibly, supposed to be an apology. In the same essay, Morris also claimed that his life was under threat after alleging he’d stolen from a member of MS-13, and he launched a GoFundMe to go into hiding (“If the GoFundMe fails, I get murdered, and this whole things becomes a documentary, rather than a drama,” he claimed, but he only raised around $140 of his intended $20,000 goal). Rather than reward Morris’ obvious grift with a straight adaptation of the story he told, there’s a darker satire to be made about Morris the web developer from Tennessee, who lied to the internet and made everyone mad.

  Who should direct it: Adam McKay, the Vice and Big Short director whose kaleidoscopic filmmaking and amusing absurdism are just what this story needs

  First tweet:

  Came home to some minor tornado wreckage, so I decided to recruit some of the pups for a clean-up party. pic.twitter.com/FWWeM5icXR

  — Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) July 6, 2018

  The gist: Twitter-famous musher Blair Braverman frequently shares stories about her adventures with her adorable pack of sled dogs, and this one came in the shape of a bedtime story told to the hoard of puppies living on her farm in 2018. If you want to skip all the puppy pics (sicko), you can jump right to where the story starts, with “Once upon a time, I told them, there were some very good puppies. They had a grandfather named Hari, and Hari was magic.” While mushing in a blizzard, Blair and her team lost their trail. But when Blair moved Hari, her blind sled dog, to the front of the team, “Hari’s ears perked. He sniffed the snow. And then he started leading the team forward through the storm … Hari didn’t need to see the trail. He could smell it.” I’m not crying, you’re crying.

  Once upon a time, I told them, there were some very good puppies. They had a grandfather named Hari, and Hari was magic. pic.twitter.com/n72bAnjKMq

  — Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) July 6, 2018

  Why it should be a movie: Though there are lots of stories from Blair’s life that would make great movies (Kelly Reichardt, where are you?), this one, in particular, would be the sweetest animated film. Paging Cartoon Saloon…

  Who should direct it: Tomm Moore, the animator behind beautiful works like Wolfwalkers and Song of the Sea

  First tweet:

  I am coming to you live from a Brandon, Mississippi Waffle House. I, a total loser, came in last place in my fantasy football league. As punishment, I spend 24 hours in a Waffle House. Every waffle I eat shaves an hour off the clock. It’s 4:07 Central. pic.twitter.com/oRugzU7rQT

  — Lee Sanderlin (@LeeOSanderlin) June 17, 2021

  The gist: Lee Sanderlin really, really sucked at fantasy football this year. As punishment for coming in last place, he had to spend nearly a day in a Waffle House. Thankfully for all of us, he tweeted through the entire hilarious and gastrointestinally agonizing experience.

  Why it should be a movie: Watching some guy eat waffles for 15 hours probably doesn’t sound like a riveting movie. But hey, neither does a movie about a guy who lives in an airport; there are plenty of ways a creative director could spice up this story. Sanderlin, perhaps because he’s a journalist, didn’t appear to embellish much at all in his telling, so that’ll be what Hollywood is for. Can you say “the first Waffle House body-horror film”?

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